Ease into Motherhood: Yes, I Wear White

I had already been drafting this post when Seamstress Erin put out an open invitation to share experiences of sewing and motherhood in a series called "Ease into Motherhood." Becoming a parent is one of the most normal, yet profound, things that most of us will do at some point in our lives. But how do you ease into something that is like being hit by a 30 foot wall of water? A tsunami of normal.

These days, when a woman has a child, everything she does gets the word "mom" added to it. Think "mom jeans," "mom (hair) do," "mom style" and the like. A woman with a child no longer meets friends for a drink; instead it's "momtinis." She can't have social plans sans child without it being "Mom's Day/Night Out." She can't disagree or do things her own way without it being "mommy wars" or being labeled as that type of mom (seriously, just google types of moms to see the degree of labeling.) Other people - coaches, teachers, anyone who interacts with her in her role as a parent - will even call her "Mom" rather than bothering to learn her name.

I used to be called Clio.

Is it any wonder that many new mothers suffer from a loss of identity?

What's in a name? We're sold this bill of goods that says we should be MOM before anything else. In our pasts, we may have had hobbies and activities, pursued goals and aspirations, and led rich and interesting lives. But once we are mom, we are supposed to be happy and grateful for our selves to be subsumed by motherhood, everything else about us a distant second. I'm a mom first - the mantra of mothers who work - silently adds lest you think I don't truly and deeply love my child because I need things in my life outside of motherhood.  It's not healthy to see ourselves as one dimensional.

Mom is also a name that has a strong attachment to gender norms. So is Dad. And it starts early. From the moment I was pregnant, people in our lives assumed that it was me who wanted to have a child and Phin was along for the ride. Phin even had other men commiserate with him that now he would have to help out at home. Phin and I already had a marriage in which I commuted and went on business trips while he worked from home, which meant he had more time to cook meals, shop and run errands. We eat really well, btw.

The Tsunami. Pregnancy was one of the happiest and healthiest periods of my life. I loved being pregnant. And Taco was an easy newborn. Knowing it would be a tsunami, I gave myself a lot of room to recover and adjust to caring for him, while Phin, who gave himself a generous paternity leave (perks of being your own boss), cared for me. Our home was full of love. It was the second three months that were a struggle. I was ready to get back to doing the things I loved doing, and I was tired of being at home all the time. That's when sleep became a challenge and Taco became more demanding - he was desperate to sit and later stand, but hated the bouncy chair, the swing, or anything other than my lap or arms. I felt like I was drowning; constantly busy yet accomplishing nothing.

It was such a relief when Taco was big enough for the jumparoo, which he was happy to go in at least for a few minutes at a time.

To this day, Taco's motor skills are well above average and his sleep needs are at the low end of normal for his age group. (Read: he's incredibly active and doesn't sleep much.) It was exhausting. Still is. To boot, as we ventured out more as winter was ending and Taco was older, the assumptions and associations of being a mom felt awkward and uncomfortable to me and simply didn't jive with my self image.

I'll never sew again. Sewing, in my mind, was THE THING that could help me feel like me again - a changed me, to be sure - but me at heart. Around this time, another mom in the otherwise wonderful support group I joined at a local lactation center was unsympathetic when I expressed my frustrations. She told me that she used to sew, too, before her first child was born four years prior. Her meaning was clear - sewing is not something that moms have time for and I should get used to it. Get used to giving up my things... my me. I remember emailing a few sewing friends to say "OMG I have a mom-nemesis who says I will never have time for sewing again!"

Taco's WTF face

I later learned that my nemesis was suffering deeply from postpartum depression. My heart softened toward her; I wondered how many other pieces of herself she had given up. But the encounter also convinced me that I needed to prioritize the things that make me feel like me. Sewing. Baking. Knitting. Even work. When I announced on this blog that I was pregnant, I had said "We've built such a wonderful life together and feel like we have so much to give to a child." For that to remain true, I needed to be true to myself and not give up those things that most define me. 

Getting back to sewing helped me feel like my days were not just a blur of nursing, napping and trying to amuse and help my tiny child grow up. Baking, too. In the beginning it was slow going. I remember telling my moms group it took me three days to bake anything: one day to take out the ingredients, one to bake, one to clean up. Sometimes it took 4 days. Sometimes it took weeks to sew something - one seam at a time, one task at a time. But I was sewing. And life got easier when Taco started taking fewer but longer naps.

Jacket sewn one seam at a time

I cannot overstate how important finding a new mom's group run by a social worker was to my experience of new motherhood. It was not a group to talk about parenting tips or our babies; it was a place to talk about ourselves and how we were doing, without judgement. Being told that it was ok to feel how I actually felt and be who I am as opposed to some notion of how mothers are supposed to feel and supposed to be was powerfully validating. I don't have to conform to gender normative ideas about motherhood to be a great mom to Taco. Most of all, the group taught me that my child deserves a mother who is a whole, multi-faceted person and that I don't need to justify or explain or feel guilt for my life outside of motherhood or the times that I need to step away to care for my own needs.

And so I decided to just be me and chart my own course through motherhood. Being a mom has changed me, but it is not the sum total of me. And while I don't have all the answers, being me means:

I like my career.  I didn't feel conflicted when I went back to work when Taco was 6 1/2 months, and I don't feel constantly torn between work and home. Part of this, to be sure, is that I have an incredibly family friendly employer that allows for a great work-life balance; I work a 4-day week - 3 in office, 1 at home. Plus, the commute that used to be a drudge is now time for me to knit. It's the perfect transition between work and home. When I get home I'm ready to give Taco my full attention until bedtime.

Trying on my knitting

When Taco naps, I sew.  I do not pick up a toy, clean a thing, shop online, go on FB or do anything else mundane or that is a time trap during naptime. On the days that I am home, that is my time for me and I keep it like an appointment. Having that reliable, but limited, block of time has made me such a better planner and a more productive sewist. My sewing has also changed. I'm a much less selfish sewist. I sew more for Phin and Taco than I ever thought I would and for the first time I've sewn things for work. I focus more now on developing and then using TNT patterns, which helps me be more productive and have more wins.  Also, sewing connects me with friends and gives me something to talk about besides Taco.

Taco Plays with My Orange Serger Thread

I'm messy and I don't care. Truly. Taco and I bake together. I have just taught him how to crack an egg (he still needs coaching) and it is our favorite thing ever. I also let him play with flour, cupcake liners and non-sharp baking utensils. I am convinced that involving him in the kitchen now is going to pay big dividends someday - already he is generally happy when I ask him if we should bake together and will go to the pantry and start pulling out ingredients whether they are needed or not. If this becomes a shared hobby, so much the better. But in the meantime, I get to bake.

Playing in the Pantry

I wear white. These are my new white trousers sewn with my TNT trouser pattern. Ta-da!! I love them and wear them all the time, which is why they are so wrinkled in these pics. I was sewing these trousers at the same time I was admiring a white sweater knit by another sewist/knitter. There was a comment about her clearly not being a mom. Apparently, moms don't wear white. Something about messes.

With a new seersucker Ogden Cami

I refuse to dress like a mom, whatever that means. I wear silk, I wear white, I wear leather. I wear what I want. If it gets ruined, c'est la vie. I enjoyed wearing it and can sew another. Why limit myself.

I prefer being called a parent. This post aside, I generally don't refer to myself as a mom or working mom or talk about motherhood. I prefer parent. It is a more equal word than mom and not loaded with gendered ideas or norms. And to be clear, I could not do any of the above without having an equal partner in Phineas.

When I went back to work, he rearranged and scaled back his work to be at home with Taco on the days I'm not. Doing all the childcare ourselves, while both having careers, has been a huge commitment. Parents. The two of us working together as equals. And the best advice I can give about getting thru early childhood with a partner is to forget about keeping score of who is working harder, doing more or getting less sleep, and instead focus on sharing what little free time there is as equally as possible. That is really what fights about who is doing what and whose life is harder are about - the stress caused by lack of free time to pursue an interest, exercise, see friends or just be quiet. Making sure we both get what we need in terms of caring for our selves enables us to be whole people for Taco. 

Me at 40; Taco at 10 months. In Venice.

I am Clio. 

I am a sewer of frosting, baker of brownies, knitter of socks, world traveler, resister, sometimes scuba diver, very slow runner, maker of friends, drinker of wine, eater of pizza, proud aunt, admirer of strong women, reader of books, best friend of Phineas, fabric lover, sister to four amazing women, career woman, daughter, and Taco's Ma-ma.

Me being me, Taco being Taco, both happy. 

I Love a Good Jumpsuit

I'm happy that jumpsuits still seem to be going strong as a trend. I've been thinking about sewing a fun and colorful jumpsuit for summer for the last few months, and now that the dog days have arrived in the NY area it moved to the top of the priority list.

This is Very Easy Vogue V9116 sewn up in knit that I bought at Metro Textiles during Pattern Review Weekend last month. The pattern definitely delivers on being very easy to sew.

I love how fun this jumpsuit is, even though I think there are some distinct improvements that could be made both to the pattern and to this awful camera angle.

First, I should tell you that when I compared the crotch curve of this pattern to my TNT trousers, they were very differently shaped. I'm not making a judgement about one or the other, but simply saying that my TNT pattern is "me shaped" and I was skeptical that this pattern would fit as well, given the degree of difference in the two crotches.

So, I melded the two patterns together, using the upper portion of my TNT pattern and the leg of the jumpsuit. Luckily, by simply not marking and sewing the darts of my TNT trousers, the two had very similar waist and hip shapes and measurements. I added additional seam allowance at the waist (where the waistband would attach) to accommodate the higher waistline of the jumpsuit.

What I didn't change was any part of the top of the jumpsuit. This is straight out of the envelope.

The changes that I would make for next time are relatively few and definitely easy to achieve. In looking at the photos and line drawings, I thought there was going to be enough blous-i-ness that I would be able to get the look I wanted from the pattern (slightly less blousy than drafted) without adding length to the top, which is a normal alteration for my 5'9", long-torsoed frame. I was wrong. The jumpsuit fits a bit high on the waist on me. Next time I will probably add an additional 1-2 inches to the top.  Additionally, what I didn't notice in the photos is that the trousers are definitely NOT too long in the crotch. I should have added an additional inch of length above the crotch at the waist. Overall the jumpsuit just fits thru the torso length.

You can see that the top is low cut on both my front and back. I think this is also why you can just see a slight peek of the black strapless bra I am wearing, despite a strategic safety pin. I plan to sew a snap to keep things better in place on this version, but in the future I think extra length would help bring things up and let the crossed front sit a bit better. It seems well drafted.

My only quibble with the pattern is how the waist is constructed.  Here are the instructions: 

On this version of the pattern there is a lot of bulk at the waist. The two sides of the front bodice are self-lined and overlapped. The bodice is then sewn to the pants at the waist with two rows of stitching to make a casing for elastic. I elected to trim the overlap layers back as much as possible. Even so, the way the casing is sewn adds to the bulk. You end up with a 3/4" casing with 3/8" elastic threaded through it  floating inside the jumpsuit waist area. 

I serged the 1/4" seam allowance.

I compared this to a RTW jumpsuit that I own.

On the RTW version, the waist is serged with 1/4" elastic stitched on the waist seam line. It works just as well and I don't feel like the waist is bulky at all. Again, this is an easily fixable quibble.

Overall, I am happy with this jumpsuit and will definitely get some wear out of it this summer and beyond. I've been wearing it a lot. Fun, too-loud patterns are perfect for summer, and this print incorporates all my favorite colors - orange, hot pink and turquoise. Honestly, this outfit seems incomplete without a Mojito in my hand.

Anyway, I hope you are having a great summer. And stay tuned for when I actually blog about the 3 trousers,  1 jumpsuit, 1 shorts, 3 rompers, 1 rash guard and jacket that I've also sewn. Oy. Photography is not our forte! 

Let's Talk: Linings

Normally, once I blog about a finished item, you don't see it again on the blog unless it is paired with an even newer garment. But today I thought we'd do something a little different and revisit the trousers that I sewed back at Thanksgiving and finally blogged about in March. 

I loved lining them in in a poly charmeuse print from Janky Store that was in my stash. I had sewn a top with it way back in 2011. The top is still going strong, by the way.  

Anyway, I wore these trousers yesterday. They get worn almost weekly.  When I took them off, however,  I noticed that there was some damage to the lining on the inseam at the high thigh area. So, I turned them inside out and this is what I found. 

The seam was totally shredded. Now, I think of this as an area of high stress on my trousers.  It's not the first time I've seen a lining fail in that area, albeit never one that I have sewn myself.  However, my second discovery was surprising.

This is the outseam. And not at a spot that you would think places any stress on the seams. It's also not on the side where I carry my purse or anything, so it's not like there would be friction. Anyway, the long and short is that this is a complete and utter fabric fail. The poly completely shredded.  

So, while I re-line these trousers, let's talk about linings. This definitely was not a fabric designed to be a lining, but I thought in both weight and feel it would be a good choice. It certainly felt nice on, helped my trousers glide on and off, and smoothed over any lumps and bumps. It was also heavier than Bemberg, which has always been my go-to for bottoms, and therefore warmer on those cold winter days (it was a bit warm to be wearing yesterday.)

So, how do you choose linings and what to you generally use?  

After my very first lining experience, in which the poly or rayon lining I was using was so thin and slithery that - novice that I was at the time - I found it challenging to cut and impossible to sew, I used only Bemberg linings for the longest time. I still like Bemberg, but I have branched out too. 

I've used silk charmeuse for things like my leather jacket (two thumbs up)... 

My Magnum Opus Jacket with silk lining

And china silk to line chiffon, like this top...

Cotton batiste for summer linen and seersucker trousers...

And even cotton lawn to line a jacket, which was not my best idea,  to be honest. It makes it hard to pull on over a top, lovely though the print is. 

Recently, I've tried some poly linings, too, like these gold wool trousers. 

And here is where the verdict is out for me. I've never had a natural fiber disintegrate the way poly has occasionally done for me. 

So, what are your experiences with linings?  Do you have a strong preference or a range of purpose or weather-specific preferences? Do tell.  And seriously, what the heck... 

 

 

Found! Dark Chocolate Meringue Drops

Waaaaay back in 2009, I blogged about these Dark Chocolate Meringue Cookies.  I made them several times - they were wonderful!  But as happens, I moved on to new recipes and they fell out of my regular rotation.  They were not, however, forgotten.  But when I tried to go back and make them some time in the last year, the website had undergone an upgrade and much of the old content disappeared, including my cookie recipe.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when Phin was flipping through a cookbook.  Out fell a copy of the recipe that I must have printed out at some point. Anyway, so as not to lose it again, here it is: 

Dark Chocolate Meringue Cookies

5 oz dark/bittersweet chocolate (60-75% cacao) divided
2 TBSP cocoa (dutch processed, sifted after measuring)
3 TBSP cocoa nibs (optional - I don't use)
1/3 c (about 3 large) egg whites at room temp
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
1/2 c sugar (minus 1 1/2 tsp if not using nibs)
1/2 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Melt 3 oz of chocolate in microwave. Set aside to cool. Chop remaining 2 oz into mini-morsel size pieces. Add tartar to egg whites in bowl of a mixer.  Beat until soft peaks start to form. Add 2 TBSP sugar and beat for 1 min. Slowly add remaining sugar one tbsp at a time, beating after each addition. Beat in vanilla. Keep beating until the meringue turns thick, smooth, opaque and glossy - about 2 minutes more. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and beat for additional 30 seconds. Turn off mixer.  Fold in chocolate (melted and chopped) and cocoa, until no streaks remain. Do not overmix. Scoop onto 2 cookie sheets lined with silpat or lightly greased parchment paper by the rounded tsp.  Bake for 8-12 minutes until just set, rotating pans and switching positions half way thru.  Cool on pans for 1-2 minutes and then lift parchment/silpat off the pans to a cooling rack and leave until completely cool - 15 min. Cookies should have a crisp crust that shatters but be soft inside. Makes apprx 40 cookies.

By the way, these cookies freeze really well.

Monkey Pants!

Oh look! It's Taco in monkey pants.

Taco is a slim little dude. By the time he grows into pants at the waist, they are too short. So, I suppose it was just a matter of time before I sewed some up for him.  

Taco has one pair of knit pants that do fit very well. So I did a very quick rub off of them, added seam, waist and hem allowances and called it a pattern.  When I went to cut fabric, I realized that the side seams of the pants were straight and on grain, so I decided to overlap the two pattern pieces and cut the pants as a one seam pant.

With only one seam and my serger, the pants sewed up in no time. I used a twin needle for the hems. But when we went to try them on, the pants were really rather large.  Either I was sloppy with my tracing or I added seam allowances more than once. I'm not sure which.

So, I added what I will call a design feature for toddler-wear - a 1/2 inch fake seam (really it is a tuck) down the sides of pants where the outseams would be.  Now, when Taco grows, I can simply let out these fake seams and have a wider pant.

Taco really seemed to like these pants. Throughout the day he intermittently would point at the monkeys and laugh. The fabric is a cotton jersey that I bought online at Fabric.com.  Of all the things that I can find in the NY Garment District, novelty, kid-friendly knits is often not one of them. 

Ipad - The only time he is ever still. 

An additional reason I'm happy to sew these for Taco is that little boy clothing is very gendered (girls' too). Sports, vehicles, sharks and dinosaurs are just about the only motifs available in mainstream childrenswear retailers for boys.  Oh, and licenced gear (Disney, superheros, etc.) It's limiting and I can do better starting from scratch.

Anyway, Taco usually likes to put on his pajamas at bedtime, but he was reluctant to take these off. So, I'll call that a win for monkey pants.

Fini! 

Super in my Socks!

Look! I knit Wonder Woman socks!

Don't they look like comic book superhero boots?

I think so. I had a tough time with the color - they are more of a fire engine red than these pictures suggest. But this was the best I could do with indoor photography.

The pattern is Virrat, by Tiina Kuu. I understand that virrat means stream, but from the start they looked like superhero boots to me. I'm not sure why. Maybe they just look fast.

And they were fast to knit! The pattern call for sport weight yarn, and I used Cascade 220 Sport. This is more of the yarn that I bought to knit an op art baby blanket that I ended up frogging. The red was supposed to be a pop of color in an otherwise black and white blanket. I knit Taco's Teddy Sweater and a pair of Baby Duck Booties with some of this little stash. This yarn just keeps on giving.

Since I was using a thicker gauge yarn for these socks, I decided it was time to practice cabling without a cable needle. There are a few methods, but I settled into a groove with the one described by Knitty here. I also could have, I suppose, used right and left-twist stitches.  Reader LinB reminded me of them recently, and I used them with success on this baby blanket a few years ago. But it was worth learning to cable without a needle. I think my cables will go much faster in the future.

 

One feature that was a little different is that the heel gusset increases are done in the center of the sole rather than at the sides, creating this neat diamond shaped gusset on the heel.

Anyway, I shall feel like Wonder Woman in her down time as I lounge in these socks.

Lovely But Not What Was Planned

Didn't my sheath dress come out beautifully? Amazing, considering the hot mess it was just a week before completion.

After being worn all day

Because I am into keeping things real, this is how it looked after wearing it for 11 hours. I think the wrinkles/creases are much more pronounced in photos than in real life.  Isn't that always the way?

Here's the story behind this dress. I'm really enjoying having trouser and skirt TNT patterns. So, I decided that I should add a basic bodice block to my TNT catalog for sewing tops and dresses, when married with my pencil skirt block. I love a good sheath dress and have far too few.

I've had McCalls M7279, a Palmer/Pletsch sheath fitting pattern, in my stash for some time. It seemed like a good place to start. The pattern has lots of alteration lines on it and the instructions guide you thru their method of tissue fitting. I started with a size 12 based on my high bust and went from there, doing an FBA, adding length to the bodice and width to the sleeve.  

A few muslins later, I felt like I had the bodice fit worked out well enough. However, the sleeve was still not great. I really think that my body's arm/armscye simply must not be normal.  I worked a bit more on the sleeve but was running out of steam. And since I planned a sleeveless sheath, I decided to go ahead and sew it, leaving further sleeve muslins for another day.

So off I went. I wanted a less conservative neckline than the pattern shows so I traced a copy of my pattern but then lined up and traced off the neckline of M6699, an OOP pattern from a few years ago. I used my TNT sheath for the skirt portion. I picked out a pretty black and white fabric that I bought at Paron fabrics (RIP) and cut away.  This is where things went off the rails.


After multiple muslins, I should have been able to pretty much sew and just tweak the fit here and there. However, the fabric, which was a cotton blend woven with some lycra, turned out to be MUCH more stretchy than anticipated. It may as well have been a knit. My machine kept complaining and making snarled up bobbin nests until I switched to a stretch needle. In the end, I used all stretch/knit fabric techniques and tools for this dress - the seams were finished with my serger and I used a stretch twin needle for the hem.

It was so perfect and then I had to rip it out and redo

My first pass at sewing the dress came out enormous; the dang thing just grew and stretched. And since I had actually sewn the darts, zipper and waist, I had some unpicking to do. The dress was huge everywhere. I even had to undo the finished zipper so I could take one inch out of the waist between the top and bottom halves, like a swayback adjustment. Many hours of fitting ensued, including taking in 2 inches at the waist - 4 inches total circumference. I always find that this much post-cutting manipulating leaves its mark.  My darts are imperfect and refuse to smoothly disappear, although this could also be because of the fabric.

All that aside, when it came to doing the neckline, I had a moment of inspiration. The fabric has two pretty sides which are negatives of each other.  I decided to bind the neck and armscyes with the opposite side of the fabric for a little contrast. I really like the effect even if next time I would trim the armscyes back a little.

I should have stretched the binding a little more when I sewed it for a more snug fit. 

In the end, I do love this dress and I do like the fit, although as a test run for a TNT pattern it is incredibly useless. I learned nothing. I actually may go back and draft a bodice sloper instead of using a commercial pattern. For all the muslins and work, I think it may have been easier to start from my measurements. We shall see.

And here are a few more pictures so you can see how I actually styled and wore it to work the day we did this photo shoot. Bonus: Taco the photo-bomber.

I feel professional, yet chic in this outfit. Ann Taylor would approve, don't you think? LOL  And I did get compliments from my colleagues on the outfit.  Best of all, it is super comfy since it is basically like wearing a knit.

He really is the best accessory

Anyway, I am thinking that I will draft a bodice block instead of altering a pattern. It would at least help me start out closer to the end goal.  Have you drafted a bodice? Do you have a preferred method or set of instructions?