Deciding not to learn Raspberry's gender has met with a variety of responses from the people in our life. Some have shared their own happy or mixed experiences and some have embraced the surprise of it all, while others have hinted that they think we secretly know, but just aren't telling. To me, the strangest reaction to our secret is the sentiment that it's too bad we don't know, because it means we can't buy or receive gifts that are gender specific.
That was the point.
But going even a step further, what exactly is wrong with blue for girls or pink for boys? In my mind, "gender appropriate" colors or clothing or toys for infants is just a symptom of our societal need to sort everyone into a neat little box.
A cute little hat and some socks in navy blue is sometimes simply that, for either a boy or a girl. (Apologies for the not great indoor photo colors - these are a very navy blue and not at all purple.)
I also made cashmere boucles socks from leftover yarn from my very first socks ever.
So, boy or girl, my Raspberry will be staying snug with this little blue set. If Raspberry is a she, I won't be offended if strangers assume "he" because of a blue hat. Raspberry will be equally warm.
And someday Raspberry will have a favorite color and wear hats in that color instead.
What are your thoughts on gender assigned color? Do you think it matters? Does your favorite color defy gender norms?
That was the point.
But going even a step further, what exactly is wrong with blue for girls or pink for boys? In my mind, "gender appropriate" colors or clothing or toys for infants is just a symptom of our societal need to sort everyone into a neat little box.
A cute little hat and some socks in navy blue is sometimes simply that, for either a boy or a girl. (Apologies for the not great indoor photo colors - these are a very navy blue and not at all purple.)
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These should look familiar since I used leftover yarn from socks that I knit for Phin last year, knit up using the Easy Peasy Newborn Sock Hat and Toe Up Baby Socks that I previously blogged.
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| Look how tiny compared to Phin's feet! |
I also made cashmere boucles socks from leftover yarn from my very first socks ever.
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| Cashmere Self Striping socks |
So, boy or girl, my Raspberry will be staying snug with this little blue set. If Raspberry is a she, I won't be offended if strangers assume "he" because of a blue hat. Raspberry will be equally warm.
And someday Raspberry will have a favorite color and wear hats in that color instead.
What are your thoughts on gender assigned color? Do you think it matters? Does your favorite color defy gender norms?
I think it's a harmless tradition. My mom dressed me up in lots of pink stuff, but now I prefer blues and purples and I always played with my brother's toys growing up. Didn't affect me at all. It's your choice as the parents, of course.
ReplyDeleteI go through spurts of avoiding pink with my girls, just because I get so sick of the sight of it, as well as trying to avoid the stereotypes. As babies, I dressed them in what I wanted. As toddlers and pre-schoolers I let them chose on their own - but from my fabric stash which doesn't have much pink! - My girls all became pink, purple and rainbow obsessed around the same age. Everything needed to be pink... I recognised this, and made them some pink things, but looking through their wardrobes, I realise they have next to nothing in pink. Mostly everything is blue, grey, white etc I read somewhere that little people go to the extreme of their gender stereotypes during a certain age - ie 2-4 as they learn about themselves, and then they seem to outgrow the girly obsession and become more normal around age 5. But I can only speak for girls, and my little girls at that. I have three under 7 and am still learning ;-)
ReplyDeleteI avoided it when my kids were babies - my son, for example, had a gorgeous pale pink top and pants he wore a lot as a newborn - but I got a lot of confused reactions from other adults. At childcare my son was told by 4 yo friends which (read most) colours were for girls, but his favourite was nonetheless sparkly pink, followed by sparkly purple and sparkly orange. I avoided pink altogether for my daughter at first (apart from gifts she was given) but she is now obsessed with the colour as a 7 yo, and has been for several years. I assume she'll grow out of it as my.son's favourite colour is now sparkly green! Even if you personally try to avoid gender specific colours I think you'll be surprised at how much societal pressure there is to conform to the usual colours!
ReplyDeleteI avoided pink for my daughter on principle. When she was three, she decided that all other colors were unacceptable and demanded pink everything, including towels. I didn't feel like fighting about a color so I just bought pink everything. She got over it eventually.
ReplyDeleteWhen I make gifts for others I pick a gender nonspecific like green or purple. For me, I think that blue for boy and pink for girl to be too cliche. I'm sure the recipients of my gifts will get plenty of pink or blue so I try to think outside of the box.
ReplyDeleteI don't really think it matters either way. I was convinced my kid was a boy (also declined to find out ahead of time) and I got everything in "boy" colours. When M turned out to be a girl, I a) had to psychologically adjust and then b) confirm how I felt about gender stereotyping. I didn't care, it turns out, but she looked horrid in blue. She was EXCEEDINGLY pale and blue made her look sick. And really, I do love the colour pink. So out went all the blue. PS: Now she wears much more blue than pink (don't we all?). But she loves both colours still.
ReplyDeletePS: I do realize I was gender stereotyping by buying all the blue in the first place.
ReplyDeletePastel blue and pink send a strong message to the world about gender. Stronger and darker versions of these colours are less gender specific.
ReplyDeleteI think it does matter, a bit, because we live in a world with other people. I have two teenage kids. What did I do? My daughter wore every colour under the sun as a baby, but I never dressed my son in pink. The comments and resistance from the rest of the family would have been too annoying!
I think it's all fairly harmless, but i just happen to not love pink. :) my daughter's room is painted a pale blue-grey, and the winter coat I just bought her is navy blue...And frankly, she was mistaken for a boy as an infant even when clad in a handmedown neon pink coat and hat set, so there's that. hah! well done on the teeny tiny creations! so so cute.
ReplyDeleteActually, seeing how some have reacted to our not wanting to know the gender (and therefore not conforming to usual colors) has made me realize the pressures loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteBlue is a great color on you, so maybe that is what you were reacting to?
ReplyDeleteOh no, LOL. Yeah, we've resisted "guessing." But since we both like the "gender neutral colors - orange, green, purple, etc we haven't really be tempted by anything blue or pink. This was sort of the exception.
ReplyDeleteI love that your thoughts on this topic fall where mine also lie, so technically it's a case of preaching to the converted! I've recently had a whole stack of friends give birth, and navigating the pink and blue minefield has left me quite frustrated. It's like manufacturers don't know there's a whole colour spectrum outside of 75 different shades of pink or blue! I for one would love to see some orange, lilac and green baby clothes for gender neutral options - I love all the colours!
ReplyDeleteDressing a baby girl in pink or "girly" outfits, or a baby boy in masculine-looking outfits basically side-steps the, "Oh, what a cute baby! Is it a boy or a girl?" moments. That's the only purpose I can see to gender-assigned colors. We used the same navy-and-white nursery color scheme for my daughter and sons, and it worked all around.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what my parents dressed me in as a baby. I do know green was my favorite color for a long time, but around the ages of about 5-8 I decided it should be pink because all of my favorite cartoon characters (Jem from Jem and the Holograms, and Tula from Pirates of the Dark Water) wore very 80s hot pink. I had a pair of pink sweatpants that my mother had to pry off me to wash. Later I realized I didn't actually like the color pink (and all the girly-girl implications), and that I just liked the characters who happened to be wearing that color. Now I'm definitely much more of a blue/teal/green/purple person. I do think that young children observe and process everything much more than they are often given credit for, so I applaud your decision to be surprised by the gender of your baby and not give in to societal pressures. I'm sure your baby will be totally adorable, regardless of what colors it ends up wearing. And I'm sure it is going to turn out to be an awesome person from having such awesome parents. Also, those striped socks are too cute!
ReplyDeleteWe didn't know what we were having and when she was born it was really hard to find tiny baby clothes that werent pink or blue. Even white and yellow and lilac are more girly than boyish as they tend to be very pastel. Once she was past the first few months she wore a lot of jeans and bright colours, lots of purple and turquoise. I suppose people show gender with colour as putting a pre walking baby in dresses and skirts is pretty pointless. I do detest the trend of putting headbands with flowers on baby girls - looks ls ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteHowever as they get older it's impossible to avoid the stereotyping they put on themselves if you will be using childcare. My 6 yo loves barbie and princesses and dressing up despite having lots of trucks, diggers and trains as a child.
I love the picture of Phin's feet in his socks with the baby's socks in between! Why doesn't someone make baby clothes that are color blocked pink and blue...or pink and blue stripes...keep people guessing.
ReplyDeleteHave you seen this article? At one point, pink was a men's color.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.npr.org/2014/04/01/297159948/girls-are-taught-to-think-pink-but-that-wasnt-always-so
Sue C
Cashmere socks!!! Oooo la la! The only time we knew what we were having was with my 2nd daughter (tests due to her Down syndrome). The other two were a complete surprise. I liked the surprises, actually. And no test is 100% accurate anyways. How many people do I know who ended up with girls when they were told they'd get a boy and vice versa. Whatever! Each little raspberry is a complete blessing that re-arranges our priorities and makes us a little less selfish. Scary, but better. :) And I have no clue what I wore as a baby, but I always remember my fave colours as rusty browns and golds. Perfect during the 70s!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right - I've had freinds who wanted to know and the tech just couldn't tell. All babies are surprises anyway - who they are and how they grow.
ReplyDeleteThose are very 70's colors! I apparently had a beloved pair of yellow/gold corduroy pants around then.
I hadn't seen this article, but I did know that up until recently pink was considered too violent for girls! Times change, don't they?
ReplyDeleteHa! Don't give me any crazy ideas!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're right - the offerings are limited! The baby clothing we have has fallen into a few categories - yellow/duckling themed, green/frog themed and orange/fox themed for the most part. If someday (s)he picks blue or pink as a favorite, that is absolutely fine too.
ReplyDeleteHa! Who didn't love Gem?!?!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! I share your belief - we set norms early on. Let's hope I don't screw things up!
Yeah. I just don't think I'll be offended by people not knowing my baby's gender.
ReplyDeleteMe too - there are so many beautiful colors! Why not let the baby see them all and wear them all?? It makes no sense to me.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, when a friend pointed out to me how she was sick of looking at pink, that was almost reason enough not to find out Raspberry's gender! ;-)
ReplyDeleteThere is weird pressure from others, isn't there?
ReplyDeleteCultural norms and perception. What can I say. My 34 year old daughter went Goth in high school and black is still her preferred color for clothes, but she's branching out a bit more. I think black was also "safe", no risks.
ReplyDeleteBabies do not care what color their caregivers use to dress them. My only recommendation is to stay away from painting a nursery yellow: yellow makes babies cry. Anyone who tries to guilt YOU because THEY have some deep need to assess the gender of a stranger's child by the way the child is dressed is just mean. My baby girl looked better in blue than in pink, so I dressed her in blue. I just laughed at people who scolded me because they could not tell that my bald baby was a girl without looking inside her diaper. I told them they were more than welcome to change the next dirty one.
ReplyDeleteHa! I bet no one volunteered to change the diapers!
ReplyDeleteWe decided on a black and white theme with some pops of red since I read that the high contrast of black and white will be best for Raspberry's developing brain and eyesight, and be the most visually appealing for the first year. So, gender neutral AND stimulating for baby!
Yay! That color scheme will serve Raspberry for the rest of his/her life. BTW, don't spend too much money on "baby" furniture. All you really need is a decent crib. There are plenty of options for high chairs (borrow or rent one is my advice). The rest should be furniture that will last for many years, in any room. You can easily fit a shallow wooden box atop a good chest of drawers for a changing table, f'rinstance. I ended up changing my baby on the floor, as often as not.
ReplyDeleteMy child decided at age 6 that black would be her "neutral" color. I spent a lot of time doing alterations for a high-end dress shop then.) She loved coming along to visit the shop owner, who encouraged her to follow that plan -- Darling Daughter looked/looks great in black.
ReplyDeleteYou won't. It's really hard to screw up.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's the plan. I've noticed that my friends' changing tables tend to become catchall spaces while baby gets changed wherever a simple changing pad fits (floor, sofa, bed...) So, we've bought a changing pad that will sit on top of a dresser we already own and we've asked for one of those booster seat high chairs that sit on a normal chair. We're not so into "stuff".
ReplyDeleteWhat's not to love about black? Looks good on everyone and always chic.
ReplyDeleteAnd to think hundred years ago people dress baby boys as girls to fool the baby-stealing faries! How time & tradition has changed. Post-feminist movement blue seems perfectly good for girls. I wonder how many parents would feel comfortable dressing boys in pink. Shame men no longer have the option to dress like a peacock as they do centuries ago. The world's visually poorer for it.
ReplyDelete